Wishes...

After reading a short story "Those Three Wishes," about a girl who unwisely choses her words and wishes, I asked my students to tell me what they would wish for should a snail (story character) grant them three requests. Here are a few of their responses;
I wish...
I could stay looking like I'm at least 24 even if I'm older because I don't want wrinkles or gray hair.
(From the 5'4" girl) to slam-dunk because it's my goal on the court.
that America's debt was paid in full somehow because I'm not looking forward to paying higher taxes.
for a bagel because I'm hungry.
a never empty wallet, because we're always broke & its the main reason my parents fight.
for a dinosaur because I like dinosaurs.
that I could fly, cause that'd be cool.
we would have a house without my dad.
to own my own airline.
that my dad didn't have cancer.
to be the most feared person, me and my friends and the girls like us.
to GET a rock band.
to have a trampoline because I love those things.
for no endangered zebras.
for my parents to be together because it hurts that they are not.
that none of my wishes would backfire!
for a baby brother because I can't hold mine.
to not wish for anything because wishing for myself only is just greedy.
for 100 pizza's, I love pizza!
for everyone in the world to have a good home.
for a housekeeper for my parents.
to get an education and make $ because without it I'd be nothing.
for a Mountain Dew because I'm thirsty.
for the best truck ever so I won't get stuck in the mud.
that the world and human race will last forever.
read minds to see what people really think of me.
to understand all languages so I can travel across the world.
for people to like me for who I am.
to solve the national debt because it's really high.
for no wishes because when humans get unstoppable power they start abusing it.
I could eat tons of food and never get fat.
individuals would have an overwhelming desire to do good and serve others.

Hot in here

C: Why is it so hot in here?
P: Cause I'm here...

Literally

In S's story about her Grandmother passing away she included the line, “I loved her to death, literally.” Four boys tried to fight it, but they lost it. S was like, “What, I don’t get it, why are you laughing; this is a SAD story, duh.”

Twilight for Nerds

H's essay about the things she finds annoying:

Harry Potter is so annoying. It's like Twilight for nerds..."

Comparing countries

Question: Compare China to another country.

Student Answer: Oh, so like I should compare China to Prosser?

"Bear Arms"

Test question: Which right in the Bill of Rights is the most important to you and why?

Answer: The right to keep and bear arms because when I grow up I wanna be able to hug and kiss my child and ask him how was your day?

Country versus Countryside

Book: 78% of the Chinese population lives in the country.

Student: 78% of the Chinese population lives in the country? How can that be if they live in China? Doesn't everyone in China have to live in the country?

We then learned the difference between a country and the countryside...

Plan Period

Teacher sees student hanging around in bathroom after the bell rang and says: Don't you have somewhere you are supposed to be?
Student: Nah, it's my plan period.

Now I've seen everything...

When walking back from lunch today I looked over to see two 8th grade boys leaned over, only one laughing, the other quite frustrated. As I got close I realized that one of the boys had a locker lock secured around his jeans loop hole and the other was frantically trying to input the combination to get his lock back...

Brain Farts...

LZ: Mr. H, I keep hearing people say this, but I don't know what it is. What are brain farts?
Mr. H: It's when your brain just kind of 'pfffffts' out and you forget stuff.
LZ: Ohhhhh! Katie has those all the time.

The history of phones

Student 1: Mrs. Walker, were there cell phones in the 80s?
Me: No there were not.
Student 2 (Dead serious): Were there phones at all in the 80s?
Me: No K, we used tin cans and yarn to communicate with each other.
Student 2: Seriously, that's so cool!

The big number 13

S: Mr. H, this weekend is my birthday.
Mr. H: Happy Birthday!
S2: Yep, she’s turning the BIG number 13.

The 12 year-old boy's graph

On Mr, H's math test today from Adrian

The answer was supposed to be Hours (X) and Money (Y)

Test Sympathy

Math class humor...
My students are on fire today!
Chantelle: Mr. H, I got 25/44 on my test.
Mr. H: yeah, you need to study more.
Chantelle: Can’t you just give me some sympathy points?

Confusionism...

Each morning our office staff reads an inspirational quote or message on the morning announcements. Today's message pertained to what they said was,"The religion of Confucianism." My class started hysterically laughing and I said, "I don't get it what's so funny?" They quickly elected a spokesperson who announced, "There is an entire religion based on confusion?"
Ahh Master Confucious, what would you think about that?

The Day the Music Died

Today was the anniversary of the death of Buddy Holly and others on “The Day the Music Died.” I played the beginning of American Pie in class. The song contains the line: I read about his widowed bride. A student raised his hand and asked, “Why was he talking about a wittle tribe?”

Science Class...

A little science humor...
Student 1 walked into class as Student 2 had just answered a question about the cell cycle and I responded back with part of my response being “a cell cycle”, Student 1 hears my words and asks “Did you just say he is asexual” – a cell cycle – asexual

Sensory/Censored Language

In my student written notes for word choice, I stated that they should use sensory language. Student responded, “You want us to cuss?”



Censored language, sensory language. Hmm.

Captions oh captions...

Assignment was to provide a caption for the picture provided. Perhaps inappropriate, but hilarious nonetheless...

The smell of luck

From Mr. H:
Today, I crumpled up and threw a paper in the trash can, like a basketball shot. It bounced off a cabinet and went in. A said, "You are just lucky today." I crumpled another paper and this time did it without looking. It bounced off the wall and went in. A said, "See, Luck. I could smell the luck in the air when I walked in here." T replied, "That might not have been luck you were smelling."

The Jackie Robinson Story

My students watched the Jackie Robinson Story last week, you know, the biography where the beginning and end scenes announce that Jackie Robinson plays himself in the story. So we were delighted to learn that one of our students Great Grandfather's played Major League baseball and then actually coached Jackie Robinson. Today he brought in an autographed picture of Jackie Robinson and his friend J exclaimed, "That guy looks exactly like the guy who played him in the movie!"

Spelling Bee

Today was the annual classroom spelling bee, and my students did not disappoint. Here are a few of my favorite answers:
Teacher: Cancellation
Student 1: Can I get the next word?
Teacher: No C, your word is cancellation. 
Student 1: C-a-n-c-a-l-a-s-h-u-n
Teacher: Incorrect. Hanna, you are next, the word is cancellation.
Hanna: C-a-n-c-e-l-l-a-t-i-o-n
Teacher: That's Correct  
Student 1: That's messed up, she gets all the easy ones!

Teacher: Entrepreneur
S: ?????????
T whispers: It starts with an "X"
S: O-n-t-r-e oh I give up, X-Y-purple-capital 7

Born Ready

Missed school on Friday and came back to a sub report that made me chuckle a bit. When leaving the library, the sub asked students, "Are you ready?" C responded without missing a beat, "Miss, I was born ready..."

Great quotes that last forever...

Today in class, we encountered a picture of a gentleman with the ever-classic mullet hairstyle. C then introduced my class to one of his favorite quotes of all time, "Ahh the mullet, business in the front, party in the back!"

The Australian Language

S, "Hey A, what language do they speak in Austria?"
A, "Umm, Australian?"
S, "HAHAHAHA!"
A, "Gees, only ask me about ones I'd know!"

Ahh, the reasons to have children...

When trying to hook up a 9V battery in my room, I touched it to my tongue to see if it still had juice. One student said, “My dad does that. It shocks him.” A second student said, “My dad makes me do that for him.”

Sweet Coaching

From Mr. Heitschmidt's 7th Grade A Squad Basketball team. While watching one of our girls on a fast break, dribbling with her head down, us coaches yelled “Look up!” referencing the open girl down by the hoop. She immediately looked straight up at the roof, as if a tile was falling down on her.

The World According to S and A

This morning students were talking about the places of the world that they would like to live when I heard Sam announce, "Alaska doesn't have any people!"
Andre said he definitely couldn't live in Sweden because he doesn't know "Swedenese" and when asked if he could move to Tokyo he responded, "No way, I don't know Chinese!"

Right in the Middle

We were scoring Six Trait writing and the students had to score a paper using a 5-3-1 rubric. O decided that the rubric wasn’t quite fitting and gave the student a 2.5 in Voice. I told the class I was rounding her score up to a 3 for the class total sheet. M announces, “How can it be rounded to a 3? 2.5 is right in the middle of 3 AND 1…”

Note to Self

Why you should never ask a student to hold the work sample while you take a picture...