Epic Failure

In Mr. Heitschmidt's math class:
Student 1: What's the difference between an F and an F-?

Student 2: An F is just a failure, an F- is an EPIC Failure.

Blackjack

I use hand-numbered playing cards to call on students in class and when I said, "Twenty-one," D yelled, "BLACKJACK!" 

Fierce Wonderings of Middle School Students

Student: Mrs. Walker?
Me: Yes, James?
Student: If a robot does the robot, is it doing the robot, or is it just dancing?

Hilter's Daughter

Student: I didn't know that Hilter had kids!
Me: Ok... Who's Hilter?
Student rolls his eyes: Gees, Mrs. Walker your the one who taught us about him!
Me: Hmm, could you possibly mean Hitler? Hey, you got all the letters right, just not in the correct order, right? But, no, honey, HITLER did not have any children.
Student: Uh-huh it says it right here!!!
(Holds up the fictional book, Hitler's Daughter)
Me: Which section of the library did you get that book from?
Student: The fiction side.
Me:............
Student: What?
Me:...........
Student: Oh, I get it!

Follow-up:
Upon telling this story to another Language Arts teacher, I was outdone when he said that a former student used that book as the basis for her RESEARCH paper, "Hitler's daughter."

New Rug?

My classroom rug was folding up at the corners so I decided to turn it over and use my dictionaries to weigh it down. ELEVEN students walked in that day and said, "Oh!!! Mrs. Walker, did you buy a new rug?"

Attention and Detail in the middle school...

Assignment Objective: Students must pay attention and analyze detail in a photograph to create a narrative story about the picture.
15 of 29 students responded, “I didn’t know there was a back side to the assignment!”

Hmm...Objective...failed

A picture is worth...1,000 words

Writing assignment today where students had to write a story after viewing a Norman Rockwell picture, so the assignment is called, “A picture is worth 1,000 words.” I explained the assignment, took them through the pre-writing activity and then they draft a story. The directions say: Create a narrative story based upon what you think is happening in the story. I provide them with 1 page to write.


N walks up and says, “So this has to be 1,000 words???”
Teacher: Where does it say that?
N: Looks at paper, then back at me. “1,000. Wow, ok, I guess I can do it. Really, 1,000 words?”
Teacher: “Again, Nathan does it say anywhere on there that it has to be 1,000 words?”
N: “Alright, yeah I get it, 1,000 words, that’s long, but yeah I can do it.”
And… he walks away....

The wormologist

B: Lines go 2 directions. Like worms.
Mr. H: Like worms?
B: There was this chick who came to school in 4th grade...
Mr. H: this chick? Girls have names, B...
B: I don't know her name, but she was a wormologist. And if you cut a worm in half, it dies. Like a line.

Oh thank God for aspirin!

Greatest comments from the White Elephant...

Student who received the box of corn flakes, "Perfect, I'm lactose intolerant..."

Boy who received a can of dog food labeled for weight management, "That's messed up, I'm a fat dog?"
 
When students tried to convince other students to choose their wrapped presents, "Peer pressure! Peer pressure!"

H regarding her white elephant entry, "It's my brother's soul, (a note taped on an empty box) he just had it lying around so he didn't mind."

The boy who received H's brother's soul, "Please don't take my soul, please don't take my soul!"


The boy who received two small oranges, "Great, stale oranges."

Upon stealing a pet rock S exclaimed, "Sweet, I can feed it the dirt on my shoe!"

Shiny Objects

During our white elephant gift exchange, she was in awe upon opening a Christmas ornament. Her friend laughed at S's bewildered amusement and then proclaimed, "It's shiny, S could stare at that for hours..."

Another White Elephant goodie...

After student unwraps a Butterfinger candy bar student proclaims, "Hey that's my basketball nickname. I don't know why though..."

Karma

Walking behind two 6th grade boys one was making fun of the other for something that happened at lunch when the "teaser's," binder fell from his hands to the floor, scattering papers to all sides of the hallway. The teaser instantly fell to the floor on top of the papers while the other boy began laughing hysterically pointed and yelled, "Hey that's karma!" Then ran into his class just in time to avoid the tardy bell, leaving the other boy stunned and silent on the floor! Gotta love those little life lessons unfolding right in front of you!

HAIR

If a staple is thrown across a room, lands in your hair, and you don't even feel it, does that mean your hair is too long? J says, "No it does not!"

I have a present... but it's not for you!

My student said to his other teachers this morning, "This is a present for Mrs. Walker, not you, but you can have a couple of the chocolates from inside her gift." Ha, ha I love it!

Two Gary Paulsens

"Mrs. Walker can I compare the Gary Paulsen that wrote Hatchet with the Gary Paulsen that wrote Brian's Winter?"

What I should of said ...was,

"Yes, you betcha sweetheart, you compare those two Gary Paulsens!"

What I said was, "Honey, they're actually the same man."
Student, "Right, they both have the same name." 
Me: "No, two books, one man," I'm breaking into pantomime here.
Student: (blank stare)
Me: "Are you understanding what I mean? See, there's one author and he wrote two separate books..." 
Student: "Huh?" 
Me: "Hmm... You know what, on second thought, you go right ahead and compare those two Gary Paulsens!"  

The Proposal

Three minutes before the bell to end 2nd period on a Monday morning I see a student performing some sort of little dance at his seat:
Mrs. Walker: Peyton what are you doing?
Peyton: I'm being a dinosaur cause I'm bored!
Andre overhears and shouts out: Hey! He's bored and I have work I don't want to do, He can do my work for me, it's win-win for everyone!

You have to write in math?

Received a contribution from a fellow co-worker:
Student: Mr. H, I don't know what to do on the assignment.
Mr. H: Well, you didn't even write down the equation.
Student: I have to actually write it down?

It's a Small World After All

Jonah, "Jack you are so lucky that your going to Italy for Christmas, I've never even been out of the country!" Then my darling blonde student exclaimed, "Seriously you've never even been to Idaho or Oregon???" I started singing it's a small world after all, heehee, if ya can't beat em join em!

Relating to Character

Question to Students: Which character in this novel do you relate to the most?

Student: I relate to Darry because he’s 6 feet 2, broad-shouldered, and muscular.
Mrs. Walker: Are you sure that’s the quote that best relates that character to you?
Student: (As he uses his hand to motion over his physique) “Yeah, you just ain’t seen nothin I got.”
It’s a middle schooler’s world, I’m just livin in it!

Gone with the Wild

While eavesdropping during my symbolism lesson in class today I heard a trio of students discussing Gone with the Wind. "That's the one with the dog sleds right?" His partner replies, "Yeah, it's in Alaska, great book." Gone with the Wind, Call of the Wild, eh it's all the same right?

S.E. Hinton's a GIRL?

Student holding up a copy of That was Then, This is Now: "Miss I love this book, it's actually good."

Mrs. Walker: That's awesome, I really liked her writing when I was your age too, I think those books are great and just wait until we read The Outsiders.

Student: Wait, her writing, WHAT?

Mrs. Walker: Umm, yes, S.E. Hinton stands for Susan Eloise, she started writing The Outsider's when she was 16.

Student in disbelief: You ruined it, I can't like those books now, they were written by a GIRL!!!

Pennsylvania

While discussing the setting of The Outsider's with my class today I was reminded of the best geography quote ever. I’ll never forget the day 2 years ago when one student asked another if Pennsylvania was a real place. The student laughed at him and said, “You idiot, it’s not real, that’s where vampires come from!”

Restroom Pass

Oh middle school students, how I wish sometimes you had a filter on that mouth of yours! Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Me: Didn’t you just go 10 minutes ago? Student: I was trying for a #2 but only got a #1 and now I definitely got a #2. Me:..........................................................................................................
Student: Is that a no?
Me: Please, please just go…

Directional Knowledge

At conferences today a student asked me, "What's the state to the right of Washington?" I said, "Um, do you mean EAST of Washington?" (Blank stare, crickets chirping...) Hmm... So should I be more concerned that at 13 he is unaware of direction, or that he has lived in Washington his whole life and doesn't know what state is to the "right" of us. :-)

Compliment

So today a student tells me, "Mrs. Walker, you're the best damn teacher I've ever had." Hmm.... What to do, should I address the inappropriate language...NAH! Hey, when you teach in a middle school you gotta take any compliment you can get!!!

What happens in books, stays in books

Me: "Class, lets talk about what happened in our classroom novel yesterday." Class: (Total silence...) Me: "C'mon guys, what are your thoughts?" Cody: "No offense Mrs. Walker, but what happens in books, stays in books." Gotta love the versatility of the Vegas motto....

Fun Size

Me, "Edwin, you're going to play Sweeper today." (Edwin begins to pick up grass and put it into a pile and uses his leg to move the pile.) Me, "Edwin, whatcha doin?" "I'm bein a sweeper miss!" Me, "Caleb, you are always on the ground, you don't see Manuel on the ground." Caleb, "That's because Manuel looks like the great wall of China, I'm fun size!"

Science Rockets

While warming up for our game the boy's couldn't get the star drill together so Caleb yells, "It's not science rockets guys!" So close Caleb, so close... Then after the game we discussed watching a soccer movie before our team pictures, and each boy began to state their family's special dish they would like to bring, when one says in ALL seriousness, "Oh, can I bring Tequila?"

Creating Space

Boy's soccer quote of the day: After the boy defending Edwin refused to step away from him, Edwin's reponse was, "Fine, I have swine flu and I contaminate you!" I thought that was a pretty creative way of creating space!

TV PILOT

Won our 1st game today 4-0 AND got new quotes for my tv pilot/best seller. 1st, I walked outside & saw my team sittin in the shade of the building--nowhere near the field; I ask,"Why are you guys sittin in the shade?" Edwin answers, "Cause it's cold outside Miss." (I left that one alone...) But then Caleb asks, "Am I legible to play today?" (This time I didn't even try to hide my amusement!)