Wishes...

After reading a short story "Those Three Wishes," about a girl who unwisely choses her words and wishes, I asked my students to tell me what they would wish for should a snail (story character) grant them three requests. Here are a few of their responses;
I wish...
I could stay looking like I'm at least 24 even if I'm older because I don't want wrinkles or gray hair.
(From the 5'4" girl) to slam-dunk because it's my goal on the court.
that America's debt was paid in full somehow because I'm not looking forward to paying higher taxes.
for a bagel because I'm hungry.
a never empty wallet, because we're always broke & its the main reason my parents fight.
for a dinosaur because I like dinosaurs.
that I could fly, cause that'd be cool.
we would have a house without my dad.
to own my own airline.
that my dad didn't have cancer.
to be the most feared person, me and my friends and the girls like us.
to GET a rock band.
to have a trampoline because I love those things.
for no endangered zebras.
for my parents to be together because it hurts that they are not.
that none of my wishes would backfire!
for a baby brother because I can't hold mine.
to not wish for anything because wishing for myself only is just greedy.
for 100 pizza's, I love pizza!
for everyone in the world to have a good home.
for a housekeeper for my parents.
to get an education and make $ because without it I'd be nothing.
for a Mountain Dew because I'm thirsty.
for the best truck ever so I won't get stuck in the mud.
that the world and human race will last forever.
read minds to see what people really think of me.
to understand all languages so I can travel across the world.
for people to like me for who I am.
to solve the national debt because it's really high.
for no wishes because when humans get unstoppable power they start abusing it.
I could eat tons of food and never get fat.
individuals would have an overwhelming desire to do good and serve others.

Hot in here

C: Why is it so hot in here?
P: Cause I'm here...

Literally

In S's story about her Grandmother passing away she included the line, “I loved her to death, literally.” Four boys tried to fight it, but they lost it. S was like, “What, I don’t get it, why are you laughing; this is a SAD story, duh.”

Twilight for Nerds

H's essay about the things she finds annoying:

Harry Potter is so annoying. It's like Twilight for nerds..."

Comparing countries

Question: Compare China to another country.

Student Answer: Oh, so like I should compare China to Prosser?

"Bear Arms"

Test question: Which right in the Bill of Rights is the most important to you and why?

Answer: The right to keep and bear arms because when I grow up I wanna be able to hug and kiss my child and ask him how was your day?

Country versus Countryside

Book: 78% of the Chinese population lives in the country.

Student: 78% of the Chinese population lives in the country? How can that be if they live in China? Doesn't everyone in China have to live in the country?

We then learned the difference between a country and the countryside...

Plan Period

Teacher sees student hanging around in bathroom after the bell rang and says: Don't you have somewhere you are supposed to be?
Student: Nah, it's my plan period.

Now I've seen everything...

When walking back from lunch today I looked over to see two 8th grade boys leaned over, only one laughing, the other quite frustrated. As I got close I realized that one of the boys had a locker lock secured around his jeans loop hole and the other was frantically trying to input the combination to get his lock back...

Brain Farts...

LZ: Mr. H, I keep hearing people say this, but I don't know what it is. What are brain farts?
Mr. H: It's when your brain just kind of 'pfffffts' out and you forget stuff.
LZ: Ohhhhh! Katie has those all the time.

The history of phones

Student 1: Mrs. Walker, were there cell phones in the 80s?
Me: No there were not.
Student 2 (Dead serious): Were there phones at all in the 80s?
Me: No K, we used tin cans and yarn to communicate with each other.
Student 2: Seriously, that's so cool!

The big number 13

S: Mr. H, this weekend is my birthday.
Mr. H: Happy Birthday!
S2: Yep, she’s turning the BIG number 13.

The 12 year-old boy's graph

On Mr, H's math test today from Adrian

The answer was supposed to be Hours (X) and Money (Y)

Test Sympathy

Math class humor...
My students are on fire today!
Chantelle: Mr. H, I got 25/44 on my test.
Mr. H: yeah, you need to study more.
Chantelle: Can’t you just give me some sympathy points?

Confusionism...

Each morning our office staff reads an inspirational quote or message on the morning announcements. Today's message pertained to what they said was,"The religion of Confucianism." My class started hysterically laughing and I said, "I don't get it what's so funny?" They quickly elected a spokesperson who announced, "There is an entire religion based on confusion?"
Ahh Master Confucious, what would you think about that?

The Day the Music Died

Today was the anniversary of the death of Buddy Holly and others on “The Day the Music Died.” I played the beginning of American Pie in class. The song contains the line: I read about his widowed bride. A student raised his hand and asked, “Why was he talking about a wittle tribe?”

Science Class...

A little science humor...
Student 1 walked into class as Student 2 had just answered a question about the cell cycle and I responded back with part of my response being “a cell cycle”, Student 1 hears my words and asks “Did you just say he is asexual” – a cell cycle – asexual

Sensory/Censored Language

In my student written notes for word choice, I stated that they should use sensory language. Student responded, “You want us to cuss?”



Censored language, sensory language. Hmm.

Captions oh captions...

Assignment was to provide a caption for the picture provided. Perhaps inappropriate, but hilarious nonetheless...

The smell of luck

From Mr. H:
Today, I crumpled up and threw a paper in the trash can, like a basketball shot. It bounced off a cabinet and went in. A said, "You are just lucky today." I crumpled another paper and this time did it without looking. It bounced off the wall and went in. A said, "See, Luck. I could smell the luck in the air when I walked in here." T replied, "That might not have been luck you were smelling."

The Jackie Robinson Story

My students watched the Jackie Robinson Story last week, you know, the biography where the beginning and end scenes announce that Jackie Robinson plays himself in the story. So we were delighted to learn that one of our students Great Grandfather's played Major League baseball and then actually coached Jackie Robinson. Today he brought in an autographed picture of Jackie Robinson and his friend J exclaimed, "That guy looks exactly like the guy who played him in the movie!"

Spelling Bee

Today was the annual classroom spelling bee, and my students did not disappoint. Here are a few of my favorite answers:
Teacher: Cancellation
Student 1: Can I get the next word?
Teacher: No C, your word is cancellation. 
Student 1: C-a-n-c-a-l-a-s-h-u-n
Teacher: Incorrect. Hanna, you are next, the word is cancellation.
Hanna: C-a-n-c-e-l-l-a-t-i-o-n
Teacher: That's Correct  
Student 1: That's messed up, she gets all the easy ones!

Teacher: Entrepreneur
S: ?????????
T whispers: It starts with an "X"
S: O-n-t-r-e oh I give up, X-Y-purple-capital 7

Born Ready

Missed school on Friday and came back to a sub report that made me chuckle a bit. When leaving the library, the sub asked students, "Are you ready?" C responded without missing a beat, "Miss, I was born ready..."

Great quotes that last forever...

Today in class, we encountered a picture of a gentleman with the ever-classic mullet hairstyle. C then introduced my class to one of his favorite quotes of all time, "Ahh the mullet, business in the front, party in the back!"

The Australian Language

S, "Hey A, what language do they speak in Austria?"
A, "Umm, Australian?"
S, "HAHAHAHA!"
A, "Gees, only ask me about ones I'd know!"

Ahh, the reasons to have children...

When trying to hook up a 9V battery in my room, I touched it to my tongue to see if it still had juice. One student said, “My dad does that. It shocks him.” A second student said, “My dad makes me do that for him.”

Sweet Coaching

From Mr. Heitschmidt's 7th Grade A Squad Basketball team. While watching one of our girls on a fast break, dribbling with her head down, us coaches yelled “Look up!” referencing the open girl down by the hoop. She immediately looked straight up at the roof, as if a tile was falling down on her.

The World According to S and A

This morning students were talking about the places of the world that they would like to live when I heard Sam announce, "Alaska doesn't have any people!"
Andre said he definitely couldn't live in Sweden because he doesn't know "Swedenese" and when asked if he could move to Tokyo he responded, "No way, I don't know Chinese!"

Right in the Middle

We were scoring Six Trait writing and the students had to score a paper using a 5-3-1 rubric. O decided that the rubric wasn’t quite fitting and gave the student a 2.5 in Voice. I told the class I was rounding her score up to a 3 for the class total sheet. M announces, “How can it be rounded to a 3? 2.5 is right in the middle of 3 AND 1…”

Note to Self

Why you should never ask a student to hold the work sample while you take a picture...

The Dream

Last week our leadership class provided messages and activities relating to Civil Rights in honor of Martin Luther King Day and the "I have a dream," speech.
On Friday darling Sadrac turned to me and said: Mrs. Walker, I don't get it. Why was that guy telling everyone about happened when he was sleeping?
Me (trying to cover my smile): What do you mean?
Student: Martin Luther King, I mean, did he actually give a speech, or was he just talking about what he dreams about at night?
Me: Oh honey, it's the other kind of dream he was talking about, not the dreams you have when you sleep.
Student: Oh, are you serious?!?

State spelling-Middle School Style

Last Friday I had a few extra minutes of class remaining so I gave the last class of the day a blank map of the United States and asked them to fill in the states. Now I'm not even going to speak to the incorrect placement and lack of knowledge they had and instead choose to examine the "creative" spelling of the places we hold so dear.
Ariazona
Calinfornia/Calafonia
Colorodo
Geirga
Flordia
Hawiawa
Idoh (Homer Simpson version perhaps?)
Illonious
Iwoa
Luisianna/Louziana
Kanases/Canzes
Kentuky
Main
Missiuri/Missourie
Nabraska
Navata
New Hamsher
North Ciarliana/N. Caroliana
North Duckota
Orgeon/Organ
Pesvinna
Shouth Dacota
Tenese
Texax/Texes/Texal
Uhta
Vigiana
Wahinton/Whashiton (My personal favorite as these were students who have lived here their ENTIRE lives.)
Whyoming/Whyoming

Benjamin Franklin-That traitor!

From Mr. Appelgate's Social Studies:
I mentioned somebody being a traitor. A student exclaimed, “Like Benjamin Franklin!”

Labor Day

Courtesy of R, “What does labor mean, like when you have babies?”
Me, “Yes, but it also means work.”

R, “Oh so when we are celebrating Labor Day we are celebrating working, not people having babies???”

Words, words, words

D’s use of our vocab word:

“I have no apathy of this assignment.”


He followed this by holding a thesaurus and asking, “Is this a dictionary?”

The Soviet Union's Arc

In Mr. Appelgate's history class students were discussing the use of atomic weapons:

Student: When doing tests, didn’t the Soviet Union put a bunch of animals on ships?
Second student: That was Noah.

Epic Failure

In Mr. Heitschmidt's math class:
Student 1: What's the difference between an F and an F-?

Student 2: An F is just a failure, an F- is an EPIC Failure.

Blackjack

I use hand-numbered playing cards to call on students in class and when I said, "Twenty-one," D yelled, "BLACKJACK!" 

Fierce Wonderings of Middle School Students

Student: Mrs. Walker?
Me: Yes, James?
Student: If a robot does the robot, is it doing the robot, or is it just dancing?

Hilter's Daughter

Student: I didn't know that Hilter had kids!
Me: Ok... Who's Hilter?
Student rolls his eyes: Gees, Mrs. Walker your the one who taught us about him!
Me: Hmm, could you possibly mean Hitler? Hey, you got all the letters right, just not in the correct order, right? But, no, honey, HITLER did not have any children.
Student: Uh-huh it says it right here!!!
(Holds up the fictional book, Hitler's Daughter)
Me: Which section of the library did you get that book from?
Student: The fiction side.
Me:............
Student: What?
Me:...........
Student: Oh, I get it!

Follow-up:
Upon telling this story to another Language Arts teacher, I was outdone when he said that a former student used that book as the basis for her RESEARCH paper, "Hitler's daughter."

New Rug?

My classroom rug was folding up at the corners so I decided to turn it over and use my dictionaries to weigh it down. ELEVEN students walked in that day and said, "Oh!!! Mrs. Walker, did you buy a new rug?"

Attention and Detail in the middle school...

Assignment Objective: Students must pay attention and analyze detail in a photograph to create a narrative story about the picture.
15 of 29 students responded, “I didn’t know there was a back side to the assignment!”

Hmm...Objective...failed

A picture is worth...1,000 words

Writing assignment today where students had to write a story after viewing a Norman Rockwell picture, so the assignment is called, “A picture is worth 1,000 words.” I explained the assignment, took them through the pre-writing activity and then they draft a story. The directions say: Create a narrative story based upon what you think is happening in the story. I provide them with 1 page to write.


N walks up and says, “So this has to be 1,000 words???”
Teacher: Where does it say that?
N: Looks at paper, then back at me. “1,000. Wow, ok, I guess I can do it. Really, 1,000 words?”
Teacher: “Again, Nathan does it say anywhere on there that it has to be 1,000 words?”
N: “Alright, yeah I get it, 1,000 words, that’s long, but yeah I can do it.”
And… he walks away....

The wormologist

B: Lines go 2 directions. Like worms.
Mr. H: Like worms?
B: There was this chick who came to school in 4th grade...
Mr. H: this chick? Girls have names, B...
B: I don't know her name, but she was a wormologist. And if you cut a worm in half, it dies. Like a line.

Oh thank God for aspirin!

Greatest comments from the White Elephant...

Student who received the box of corn flakes, "Perfect, I'm lactose intolerant..."

Boy who received a can of dog food labeled for weight management, "That's messed up, I'm a fat dog?"
 
When students tried to convince other students to choose their wrapped presents, "Peer pressure! Peer pressure!"

H regarding her white elephant entry, "It's my brother's soul, (a note taped on an empty box) he just had it lying around so he didn't mind."

The boy who received H's brother's soul, "Please don't take my soul, please don't take my soul!"


The boy who received two small oranges, "Great, stale oranges."

Upon stealing a pet rock S exclaimed, "Sweet, I can feed it the dirt on my shoe!"

Shiny Objects

During our white elephant gift exchange, she was in awe upon opening a Christmas ornament. Her friend laughed at S's bewildered amusement and then proclaimed, "It's shiny, S could stare at that for hours..."